Today marks the last day and night i sleep in this house of mines. The last shower i will take. The last dinner i will have. In this house, everything will be the last. GOOODNIGHT & GOODBYE 17561 apt b .
I'm soooooooooooo dramatic (;
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Formsprings ?
It seems that this is what everyone's doing. But since i don't like typical things. . I'm going to make this a little "different" I'm going to select only one submission a day or good questions, and post it here. This just shows that i dont want my time wasted, and i'm sure you dont either. So, give me a good question.
NOVEMBER 29, 2009
- Has there been someone that's truly impacted your life?
Yes, there has been. Even though you didn't ask who, i'm going to say so anyways , even though there's more than one; Annie Bui, Alvin Truong, JonathanNguyen(because he was there for me when there was no one), Bonnie Do (because she defined the words and was my closestest friend) and last but not least, Julie Nguyen.
[ don't ask why i have two reasons for two people, if youre really smart, you should know ]
- why do you turn on peoples backs so much just to get information?
Here's the stupid answer ; this was a flaw that i had with my all my life. But then as i went through it, i realize because of my wrong-doing it led to so many problems and situations that i felt that i needed to stop. And i did, but as i grew up, it came back, my flaws came back, and i had to admit , this one. Usually when i do this, it wasnt because for my benefits, but for others. Others wanted to know something, others asked me, and so i did. I'm not saying that i didnt do this for myself, because i do admit that there was a point in time where i did. All i'm saying is, I did this, because of who i was, it was a flaw i always had. And im sure many of you have flaws aswell, but thats what you need to accept. You need to accept people for their flaws, and put up with them anyways, It took me over 14 years to realize this, but the bad thing is that i didnt realize it soon enough. And that led to so many friendships going V "
And here's another answer. ( i like this one better )
People have flaws for a reason. People do the things they do for a reason. Everything has a reason. Everything happens for a reason. EVERYONE has flaws. I have flaws, you have flaws. We have flaws. They have flaws. All of us have flaws. And as you grow up having friends, some of them will leave you because of these flaws. "Because of going behind people's backs" This will lead you to having many friendships, thats the good thing. But the bad thing, is those friendships collapsing in the end. It's not about what flaw you have. It's about who's willing to put up with those flaws. It' about who's willing to put up with other people's actions. It's about accepting people for those flaws. It's about accepting yourselves for those flaws. Because i have. And i know, that flaws don't go away , but in the end, you just have to see who's going to put up with your pathetic self and imperfect personality.
NOVEMBER 29, 2009
- Has there been someone that's truly impacted your life?
Yes, there has been. Even though you didn't ask who, i'm going to say so anyways , even though there's more than one; Annie Bui, Alvin Truong, JonathanNguyen(because he was there for me when there was no one), Bonnie Do (because she defined the words and was my closestest friend) and last but not least, Julie Nguyen.
[ don't ask why i have two reasons for two people, if youre really smart, you should know ]
- why do you turn on peoples backs so much just to get information?
Here's the stupid answer ; this was a flaw that i had with my all my life. But then as i went through it, i realize because of my wrong-doing it led to so many problems and situations that i felt that i needed to stop. And i did, but as i grew up, it came back, my flaws came back, and i had to admit , this one. Usually when i do this, it wasnt because for my benefits, but for others. Others wanted to know something, others asked me, and so i did. I'm not saying that i didnt do this for myself, because i do admit that there was a point in time where i did. All i'm saying is, I did this, because of who i was, it was a flaw i always had. And im sure many of you have flaws aswell, but thats what you need to accept. You need to accept people for their flaws, and put up with them anyways, It took me over 14 years to realize this, but the bad thing is that i didnt realize it soon enough. And that led to so many friendships going V "
And here's another answer. ( i like this one better )
People have flaws for a reason. People do the things they do for a reason. Everything has a reason. Everything happens for a reason. EVERYONE has flaws. I have flaws, you have flaws. We have flaws. They have flaws. All of us have flaws. And as you grow up having friends, some of them will leave you because of these flaws. "Because of going behind people's backs" This will lead you to having many friendships, thats the good thing. But the bad thing, is those friendships collapsing in the end. It's not about what flaw you have. It's about who's willing to put up with those flaws. It' about who's willing to put up with other people's actions. It's about accepting people for those flaws. It's about accepting yourselves for those flaws. Because i have. And i know, that flaws don't go away , but in the end, you just have to see who's going to put up with your pathetic self and imperfect personality.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Pisces: 11/22/09 - 11/29/09
Your thoughts and feelings about your love life are all over the map at the beginning of the week, but you of all people know that these things don't fit tidily within boundaries. Give yourself a break while it all gels a bit more. By Wednesday or Thursday, you've got a new idea regarding romance that's well worth a try. Worst-case scenario is you're back to square one, best case is you take one giant leap forward. Don't be so concerned with the consequences and just do it. If things are hazy this week, some serious honesty cuts right through it, in the best possible way.
~
the sentence that hit me the hardest today:
: dont fuck up like me.
Even if the topic wasn't related too . . that could mean a lot.
~
10:02 P.M. ; Thank you, even though there are still things left unsaid. I'll tell you them though. I will, and no one else.
~
the sentence that hit me the hardest today:
: dont fuck up like me.
Even if the topic wasn't related too . . that could mean a lot.
~
10:02 P.M. ; Thank you, even though there are still things left unsaid. I'll tell you them though. I will, and no one else.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Because i noticed what i did. And yes, i'm fucking pissed. Mad at myself, mad for the things i've done. and did not do. After talking to you today, ki. it struck me, and i realized what i must do.
The thought of it eminently excited me. Because i can't tell you these things over the phone like i said, i just dont like the idea of that. Because what's the point? All im going to do, is hear your voice. And that cant work for me. I need to see your face, your face espression, your body language. Not just your tone of voice, even though that alone tells me alot. I need to tell you in person. So im hoping you understand. It was awkward i must admit, but i thank BIGBANG for that change. At least, maybe for now? Idontknow, but i told you to wait for me, becuse i really hope you do. 3 days, 72 hours. " Tuesday may change aswell " I'll prove it to you. I'm going to keep my word. As pathetic as it sounds. I know i've done wrong. But im willing to do right.
i hope you take my word for that. It's time i step up. I've been waiting for this day, i really have. Even though what i expected wasn't . . yeah. I know that i shouldn't have expected too much, and so i'm completely fine with that. " 4320 minutes ". Wait for me, because it might be worth it.
But then, i remember from talking to him and figured out myself, how i shouldnt expect too much; the statement is still in my head. - ' Either it's really good. Or really bad. All or nothing.'
The thought of it eminently excited me. Because i can't tell you these things over the phone like i said, i just dont like the idea of that. Because what's the point? All im going to do, is hear your voice. And that cant work for me. I need to see your face, your face espression, your body language. Not just your tone of voice, even though that alone tells me alot. I need to tell you in person. So im hoping you understand. It was awkward i must admit, but i thank BIGBANG for that change. At least, maybe for now? Idontknow, but i told you to wait for me, becuse i really hope you do. 3 days, 72 hours. " Tuesday may change aswell " I'll prove it to you. I'm going to keep my word. As pathetic as it sounds. I know i've done wrong. But im willing to do right.
i hope you take my word for that. It's time i step up. I've been waiting for this day, i really have. Even though what i expected wasn't . . yeah. I know that i shouldn't have expected too much, and so i'm completely fine with that. " 4320 minutes ". Wait for me, because it might be worth it.
But then, i remember from talking to him and figured out myself, how i shouldnt expect too much; the statement is still in my head. - ' Either it's really good. Or really bad. All or nothing.'
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Because i'm so fucking disappointed in myself. To have the title of having the lowest grade in my class. & my recent test, ( chapter 4 test ) to get the lowest TEST score. To have the lowest grade. To be the lowest one. .
It feels like a bitch.
Compensation please .
& Volleyball results tomorrow. Maybe this will take part of the 'compensation' or whatever? Who knows, because i really dont mind if i didnt make it. Truth be told, i tried out because i really didnt want to go to geometry. And whoever read my first paragraph ^ should know why.
Because how would it feel to walk through the doors, knowing you're the 'dumbest' one in there. & not as smart as everyone else? To put your head down while you walk through. To have your head up as the bell ring to get out of that class. To be the first one out of the class. .
That's emotional pain.
& Now, i need to find a motivation, and a stress reliever.
EDIT: Because no one's really there for me when i need something .
It feels like a bitch.
Compensation please .
& Volleyball results tomorrow. Maybe this will take part of the 'compensation' or whatever? Who knows, because i really dont mind if i didnt make it. Truth be told, i tried out because i really didnt want to go to geometry. And whoever read my first paragraph ^ should know why.
Because how would it feel to walk through the doors, knowing you're the 'dumbest' one in there. & not as smart as everyone else? To put your head down while you walk through. To have your head up as the bell ring to get out of that class. To be the first one out of the class. .
That's emotional pain.
& Now, i need to find a motivation, and a stress reliever.
EDIT: Because no one's really there for me when i need something .
Monday, November 16, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Why ? Well ;
Because you admit that you're bitchy at times . Because you apologize to me when there really isnt a need to. Because you get mad at me without telling me why. Because you tell me you're mad at me and it makes me think of what i've done. Because you caused me such pain. Because you cause me much happiness. Because you keep me up so late, because i cant sleep until youre out of my fucking mind. Because you realize things that people don't. Because you make someone like me think so hard with your actions. Because of what you do excites me. Because you're just so damn hard to figure out. Because of how you are, makes me open my eyes. Because how unique you are inspires me. Because how different you are, makes me speechless. Because you speak my mind.. Because everytime when something's wrong, we give reasons for it to not be. Because when something's wrong; we fix them. Because now, we have our own little thing. Because we dont have to be like others. Because we're committed. Because we're there for each other. Because we're reliable. Because you call me reliable. Because you are. Because we dont have to be perfect. Because you aren't perfect. Because i'm not. Because we're not. Because really, i'm lucky to have you .
Saturday, November 07, 2009
Matt Palmer - Come back to me ;
" woah, i didnt recognize you with your hair like that "
" you look better with your hair like that "
" your hair like that makes you look cute "
all these comments, everyday, everytime, my hairs down. & they're good comments ! So i think im done with spiking my hair up, no more intimidating loook. But there will be times ^_^
anyways, why am i talking about my hair ? lol D: im bored ):
hm, my favorite cousin is sleeping over todaay; but i call him a brother, because we have almost the exact last name, and were so closee :D
& i realized that this is good. Not every relationship you need to talk to your one ever hour, see them everyday. All those things that would be nice . Because sometimes people need space. And im not saying that i do. Im just saying that we do things that makes us not need it. Nothing's perfect. & im not planning for this relationship to be either. But that doesnt mean it has to be bad;
well, time to shower and eat and stuff, do some weird constructions and hang with stevenco <3
" you look better with your hair like that "
" your hair like that makes you look cute "
all these comments, everyday, everytime, my hairs down. & they're good comments ! So i think im done with spiking my hair up, no more intimidating loook. But there will be times ^_^
anyways, why am i talking about my hair ? lol D: im bored ):
hm, my favorite cousin is sleeping over todaay; but i call him a brother, because we have almost the exact last name, and were so closee :D
& i realized that this is good. Not every relationship you need to talk to your one ever hour, see them everyday. All those things that would be nice . Because sometimes people need space. And im not saying that i do. Im just saying that we do things that makes us not need it. Nothing's perfect. & im not planning for this relationship to be either. But that doesnt mean it has to be bad;
well, time to shower and eat and stuff, do some weird constructions and hang with stevenco <3
Thursday, November 05, 2009
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
In the morning .
@ 8:33 A.M.
I trust you with all my heart. i believe every word you say. I'd do anything for you. You say, i simple make your days, but really, you make mines. Just thinking about you when i'm down, is what brings me up. EVEN IF, you're the reason for my depression. There's something about you. There's something i see in you that no one else really sees. You said to me once, " Idontknow what it is you see in me. . " & to be honest, It's something that cant be seen. & thats what i see in you. Your gift remember? The gift you had ever since 7th grade. . And let me tell you what. On this very day, you still have it in you. You dont push people away. People push you away. & like only a few people, i just happen to be the one you pulled? Because youre the one i did as well. Because im seriously not letting you go. You're the reason for me trying my best in everything. For me trying in classes. Even though i tell you to do your homework, or whatever that relates to school, it's because i'm just simply returning the favor. You make my days go a little easier, as long as i hear your voice. & that's what kills me. It kills me when we barely fucking talk. It kills me when i cant hear or listen to you, due to whatever the reason is. It does. & even though you have your reasons, and i dont really mind since they're good reasons. . I actually do. I actually do mind. Because i've come to realize that if there's a day not talking to you, not seeing you. . That will be something that brings my days down. Because even if you said it to me. It's best if i say it to you. I dont think anyone can be better with me, than you.
'NegativeBlogs' remember? Because even though i said all those things, from the very first sentence, to the very last , it WAS three days ago . ^
I trust you with all my heart. i believe every word you say. I'd do anything for you. You say, i simple make your days, but really, you make mines. Just thinking about you when i'm down, is what brings me up. EVEN IF, you're the reason for my depression. There's something about you. There's something i see in you that no one else really sees. You said to me once, " Idontknow what it is you see in me. . " & to be honest, It's something that cant be seen. & thats what i see in you. Your gift remember? The gift you had ever since 7th grade. . And let me tell you what. On this very day, you still have it in you. You dont push people away. People push you away. & like only a few people, i just happen to be the one you pulled? Because youre the one i did as well. Because im seriously not letting you go. You're the reason for me trying my best in everything. For me trying in classes. Even though i tell you to do your homework, or whatever that relates to school, it's because i'm just simply returning the favor. You make my days go a little easier, as long as i hear your voice. & that's what kills me. It kills me when we barely fucking talk. It kills me when i cant hear or listen to you, due to whatever the reason is. It does. & even though you have your reasons, and i dont really mind since they're good reasons. . I actually do. I actually do mind. Because i've come to realize that if there's a day not talking to you, not seeing you. . That will be something that brings my days down. Because even if you said it to me. It's best if i say it to you. I dont think anyone can be better with me, than you.
'NegativeBlogs' remember? Because even though i said all those things, from the very first sentence, to the very last , it WAS three days ago . ^
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
" The thing about expectations is
that it leads to disappointments. "
& so now, i wont expect anymore. i cant always get what i want, even though there are many things i envy . I cant be selfish. I cant always expect something from you. If you haven't noticed, and you probably had. I expect so much from you , it's not even funny. & yes, i do get disappointed in the end. So after today, i'm done doing that shit. I'm done with it. It's time i do something else. It's time i stop expecting. It's time i stop it.
WarningSign . Did you figure it out yet? Because i reallyreally doubt you did .
But you should know, that you 'should' as well . And no, it's not expecting .
Pk&BB&KI , all day .
Oh, and happy birthday justin machO (:
that it leads to disappointments. "
& so now, i wont expect anymore. i cant always get what i want, even though there are many things i envy . I cant be selfish. I cant always expect something from you. If you haven't noticed, and you probably had. I expect so much from you , it's not even funny. & yes, i do get disappointed in the end. So after today, i'm done doing that shit. I'm done with it. It's time i do something else. It's time i stop expecting. It's time i stop it.
WarningSign . Did you figure it out yet? Because i reallyreally doubt you did .
But you should know, that you 'should' as well . And no, it's not expecting .
Pk&BB&KI , all day .
Oh, and happy birthday justin machO (:
Monday, November 02, 2009
Sunday, November 01, 2009
text post thing like i saaid
7:21 a.m.
" Lee, i just wanted to say that the past, was the good times. & yeah i do miss them sometimes. You know, sometimes i text you and stuff, and it seems like you never reply. are you ignoring me, or something? but i didnt think so, becuz my phone sometimes has this thing,when it comes to text messages to you o_o . Last month i think it was when you told me about your amy problem, i was reallyreally surprised et happy at the same time that you did. Because i then realize that you can still trust me.. Yesterday we had fun, huh? it was just like the old days. You werent annoying and a bitch anymore ^_^ but you were the lenam i met in bandclass in 7th grade .The trust we had in the past. Was like wow. i suppose it was one of the biggest trust kinda thing i had with someone. We told each other so much shit, and we trusted each other to not tell anyone. We usually have our ups and downs. and one of the biggest downfall was when you kicked me, jon, and johnny out of your house. I was really mad. I mean , i was always at your house. always. when you tell me to come over. i would. All the times i helped you, with everything.. i was there. So now, when you kicked me out. Was all those times for nothing? Was i there for nothing ? Last month, also. i was outside your house,but you didnt come out. once again, i texted you, but i guess you didnt receive it. Maybe you were out? haha, and you know your birthday was our 6 months? LOL, of course no homo ! but yeah,i know this is a long text, but i just wanted you to know it all. Im glad were talking now though. I want you to know, and i want you to text,aim,call me WHENEVER you have aproblem. so it can be like the old times. the old days. you were my closEST friend. And im sure you can still get that title back , LEE "
" Lee, i just wanted to say that the past, was the good times. & yeah i do miss them sometimes. You know, sometimes i text you and stuff, and it seems like you never reply. are you ignoring me, or something? but i didnt think so, becuz my phone sometimes has this thing,when it comes to text messages to you o_o . Last month i think it was when you told me about your amy problem, i was reallyreally surprised et happy at the same time that you did. Because i then realize that you can still trust me.. Yesterday we had fun, huh? it was just like the old days. You werent annoying and a bitch anymore ^_^ but you were the lenam i met in bandclass in 7th grade .The trust we had in the past. Was like wow. i suppose it was one of the biggest trust kinda thing i had with someone. We told each other so much shit, and we trusted each other to not tell anyone. We usually have our ups and downs. and one of the biggest downfall was when you kicked me, jon, and johnny out of your house. I was really mad. I mean , i was always at your house. always. when you tell me to come over. i would. All the times i helped you, with everything.. i was there. So now, when you kicked me out. Was all those times for nothing? Was i there for nothing ? Last month, also. i was outside your house,but you didnt come out. once again, i texted you, but i guess you didnt receive it. Maybe you were out? haha, and you know your birthday was our 6 months? LOL, of course no homo ! but yeah,i know this is a long text, but i just wanted you to know it all. Im glad were talking now though. I want you to know, and i want you to text,aim,call me WHENEVER you have aproblem. so it can be like the old times. the old days. you were my closEST friend. And im sure you can still get that title back , LEE "
wow ;
EDIT @ 4:05 P.M.
alrighty ; so .
First off, i said this in my private blog, so i realized i should say it here.
" It was your birthday. And that means 6 months. "
No homo, HAH, but i did have a dream about you, many times, before the 6 month occured. It must be a sign,
ki; i was talking to him, and the things he said made me open my eyes a bit wider. & i just fucking remembered that one night, that one time. WHAT THE HELL Was i just there, for nothing ? I DONT GIVE A DAMN ANYMORE IF IT WAS A MONTH OR SO AGO, i just remembered that one night. That one time when i needed to tell you . . & i was about to let you know. because i think you deserved to. and i needed to tell you it was the 30th that was 5 monthhs. let me tell you something. Do you know what TRUST means. We're suppose to have the biggest 'trust' of all. and we did. back in the past. And now when i think back, i was like wtf. i dont even know what to say anymore, even though it was a while back, im still mad that you actually did that to us. Yes yes, it was just a little deal, but it meant alot if it was something that caused our friendship right? it seems like youre just one of those people . Just like everyone else. but i dont blame you. youre young. still to young. & for us to leave you like that, it must be hard. Now, i realize something though. the things i said this week . i take it all back. Yep. mhm. Private blogs are gay. i should stop blogging in it every damn hour. I take everything back i said in my private blog about you. im deleting it all. Because V
the text i just sent you, read it. and understand. having 6 hours of sleep, next to you, and then waking up, seeing you leave and blogging about you is pretty lame. So i shouldnt have rushed it. i edited, and it seemed like i was way off. 9 page text to you. I'll post it up here later to what i said to you.
Changes this whole conceeeept. No more rush. Take my time, nice and slow. steady. I wonder why i made it such a big deal. maybe becuz you were one of my closest friend, and like in the text i sent you. even if i gave up on you, ' im sure you can still have that title back ' . Right leegitament ?
Things are missing from there ^ . sister is yelling. i needa get off the laptop, the text post lateer .
alrighty ; so .
First off, i said this in my private blog, so i realized i should say it here.
" It was your birthday. And that means 6 months. "
No homo, HAH, but i did have a dream about you, many times, before the 6 month occured. It must be a sign,
ki; i was talking to him, and the things he said made me open my eyes a bit wider. & i just fucking remembered that one night, that one time. WHAT THE HELL Was i just there, for nothing ? I DONT GIVE A DAMN ANYMORE IF IT WAS A MONTH OR SO AGO, i just remembered that one night. That one time when i needed to tell you . . & i was about to let you know. because i think you deserved to. and i needed to tell you it was the 30th that was 5 monthhs. let me tell you something. Do you know what TRUST means. We're suppose to have the biggest 'trust' of all. and we did. back in the past. And now when i think back, i was like wtf. i dont even know what to say anymore, even though it was a while back, im still mad that you actually did that to us. Yes yes, it was just a little deal, but it meant alot if it was something that caused our friendship right? it seems like youre just one of those people . Just like everyone else. but i dont blame you. youre young. still to young. & for us to leave you like that, it must be hard. Now, i realize something though. the things i said this week . i take it all back. Yep. mhm. Private blogs are gay. i should stop blogging in it every damn hour. I take everything back i said in my private blog about you. im deleting it all. Because V
the text i just sent you, read it. and understand. having 6 hours of sleep, next to you, and then waking up, seeing you leave and blogging about you is pretty lame. So i shouldnt have rushed it. i edited, and it seemed like i was way off. 9 page text to you. I'll post it up here later to what i said to you.
Changes this whole conceeeept. No more rush. Take my time, nice and slow. steady. I wonder why i made it such a big deal. maybe becuz you were one of my closest friend, and like in the text i sent you. even if i gave up on you, ' im sure you can still have that title back ' . Right leegitament ?
Things are missing from there ^ . sister is yelling. i needa get off the laptop, the text post lateer .
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