Some may say, i got lucky. But i'm going to try to prove them wrong tomorrow and then friday. . & possibly show that i do deserve to be there. I came this far, there's no turning back, because tomorrow, it's all or nothing.

Hope.

3:26 P.M. ; and its those little things that keeps me going, <3

Scared, nervous, anxious and of course everything that has to relate to that feeling.

Thats how im feeling right now. I didnt do too well today, and that may be the cause of tomorrow's result. But thats the only thing im looking forward to tomorrow, besides its the last day of swimming for this week. But thats what im scared of. . The most important thing to me, may go down the drain, tomorrow morning. & so now, im hoping i wouldnt have to say ' what a way to start out the day ' in the most depressing tone yet. I'm trying. . I tried. But maybe in the end, i didnt try hard enough.

But wait, tomorrow is second cuts. . Even if i make it tomorrow's which i WISH i do. . there's still goin to be third cuts. & if so, i'm going to have to really stick up to the plate. I need to stand out. but im pretty sure, that's going to be a very hard thing for me to do .

(6:45:31 PM): im listening to that song

(6:46:16 PM): get it in your head

(6:46:16 PM): (:

(6:46:25 PM): it is

(6:46:43 PM): you should get it in her head too

(6:46:52 PM): cuz i dont think it is in there yet

(6:47:19 PM): no worries, she wont leave u

(6:47:26 PM): yet

Sigh, keep your head ^

(7:46:15 PM): its not bad its just not good to throw it around like ppl do

(7:46:21 PM): WHICH you arent doing

i think im going crazy .

i always told myself whats the point of saying " i love you " to someone? it's only words. . but for some reason, they're incredibly strong words. i don't know the meaning of love. i want to though. i want to know the feeling, i want to know what love means.

i dont know what it means. but i can tell you right now, that i definitely know how it feels like. .

so this is what love is.

What a feeling. And for the first time in my whole life. i actually mean the next couple words im about to say:

I have never felt such a feeling like this before.

THIS is love. I know it, i just do. because what other way am i suppose to describe this feeling ?

Nowadays, i just want to see you. i just want to be with you. Never in my life have i wanted so many things. .

!@#$%^&*() i dont know what to say. im just so FUCKING happy.

im going out of my mind. my body cant function carefully. that may seem like a bad thing. but no. its a good thing. a really good thing. i hope. its because, its because

my whole body's filled with happiness, and it just went overboard. Its too much for me to handle.




but in the end, im actually scared . .

" someone told me that if i broke up with you,

then i would regret it. I didnt believe them, until today. "

" : are you ready to put up with me again ?

: yes i will, but i never said i stopped, did i ?

: you showed it.

: that doesnt matter. i know actions speaks louder than words. but what about the three words i love you ? Do you know how strong those words are? THATS an exception. So why cant we be? "

i gave you two days before , until i did it. But two days after. . two days was all i needed to realize that i really needed you.

To say all those things , i couldve aimed you, i couldve texted you, i couldve called you. But no, because i really needed and wanted to see you. Yesterday night, idontknow what happend, you came into my mind, and i couldnt take it anymore. I broke down, i went crazy, leaving my ki, worrying the fuck out of himself. ' i looked like i died ' Everything i told you last night, or 'earlier' i meant all of it. Each and every single word, because if i didnt, then Why else would i biked it all the way there ? Why would i risk getting caught sneaking out of the house at 2 in the morning? But thats the thing. i was hoping that if i did get caught . . the trip would be worth it . And in the end, it was.

" So amazed how you take me back,
Each and everytime our love collapsed. "

Thank You .

9279 ♥

In this world, theres many different 'rounds' in games. Love is just like a game, right? You either win or lose. MY round 1. . it was game over for me. So, this is the start of round 2. . And i'm hoping this round, this upcoming round, i don't win or lose. & i hope you don't either. .

8:00 A.M. - i woke up, and the first thing that popped into my mind were those words. I then made a goal.. A goal to find it.


11:43 A.M. - 3 hours, almost 4 fucking hours. I finally found it. I was tired, i was sleepy, i was exhausted.. but i still did anyways, even if i still dont know the reason why i tried.

" Denny Coconut (: ,
Now i made you something to put in your binder reminder! Or is it going to go on your desk like the other one? Well, i hope you like it, i made it black, your favorite color & i think you like green too. I saw the adorable picture you made for ------, so make me one too? Please & thank you. (= Or you can let me wear your jackets more often, they're so comfy & they smell nice, haha.
- -----------
5.17.08 (: "





I think i said this once, but it wont hurt to say it again, so ThankYou; for it.

well, i need to go eat breakfast and get ready now. I'm tired, gooodbye .

The start of day 2. . . " Uphold your strength, denny. "

" That's the most hypocritical thing i have ever heard "

im not prayin . i'm wishin .

are you fucking kidding me? you tell me to go do my homework because we might go to grandpa's later. so what do i do? instead of showering, since its like 95 degrees, i go do my damn homework. and you of all people know i dont do my homework during the day. a little bit later, you tell me to go outside and eat. and so, i listen to you, and went to go eat. even if i was surprisingly not even hungry. After that, you tell me to go do my homework. Mom, i dont need the notice twice . So i go downstairs, and do my damn homework, in this stupid hotass weather. Moments later, you go downstairs and tell me " denny, when you grow up, youre gonna turn bad " WTF MOM. WHATTHELL did i even fucking do? im obeying your damnass orders. Listening to you like im some slave. and out of nowehre u tell me that ?! I WAS EVEN DOING MY HOMEWORK WHEN U TOLD ME. WHAT THE HELL. Are you okay mom? do you want me to turn bad? do you want me to take those offerings everyday? do you want me to say yes to those people that asks me if i want to smoke? WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THAT. Are you not happy enough for me? everything i do, i just cant seem to satisfy you. i cant huh? Out of all your kids,you even told me I WAS YOUR BEST ONE. is saying all of that just getting my hopes up? why are you saying bullshit. why do you constantly think im bad. why do you think i do drugs. why do you think i smoke. BECAUSE I DO HOMEWORK AND GO ON THE DAMN COMPUTER?

Mom, you piss me off .

and oh wow, last second. . i noticed it was the 21st.

" you used to be running through my mind ,
now youre jogging, now youre just walking,
and footsteps lightly until they start to fade away and all I hear is silence "

" Sick of the love thoughts
Sick of everything around me
What does love mean
What does hate mean
Everything's shady "

Bestfriend <3

I had the most craziest yet fun day today. Hah, KI-Buddy's house. Stayed there for a bit, then bussed it to bellaa terraa to buy things. After that, we were deciding to walk back but due to our lazy-ness we went to take the bus, for another 3 dollars O: & then, thats when this crazy day started (; Surpisingly, making me and my kibuddy jaw's dropped, the bus did a right turn into beach o_o and we were like WTF, BUS'S CAN TURN?! Sadly, yet luckily, we ended up 25 minutes away from my house. We walked there to get some food to eat since we were dying. . . Stupid bus, we were under 5 minutes to be home if the bus didnt turn D: Right when i got home. . i see my mom leaving the house , oh how lucky yet, not lucky.. so we didnt eat, and i made my mom took me back to vista view >:o After that, we sat there, being the hobo's we aree (: for a whillee, then went to friends house to pick something up. After that, we went home to ki's house to eaaat, so we stayed there for a bit to rest up, and surpisingly yet not surprisingly, we ate alot O: and got full o_o THIS BLOG'S GETTING BORING HUH, WELL LETS MOVE ON. After that, we decided to go back to vista vieww, i called my fagface buddy up to hangg, but ki wanted to hang with his 'FRIENDS' , but no, i didnt want to, so i went to PV (:< There, i was withh bff, i saw my bestfriend, and saw fagface aswell. On the way there, KI was being hyper, running around, jumping around, wanting to fight, wanting to kill someone, he's crazy o_o When i went to say hi to bestfriend, ki saw a bike, and wanted to steal it, but i told him no, and he went crazy from there. Running twice as much, jumping over little things on the sidewalk, yelling out gang thingies.. and supposedly, about to back fagface up and killing his own 'friends' o_o and now for some reason i feel retarded. ANYWAAAYS. After fagface persuaded ki to going to bff's house in front, we sat aroundd until ki told fagface to go steal a bike with him. so they left, i cracked up because i love how they lie (': 15 mintues later after me and bff talking alonneee.. [ no homo (: ] we see ki and fagface around the corner, carrying three bikes towards us o_o they actually did it.. what a fail. the funny this was they had a 3 digit lock combination on it :D but fagface wanted the bike so bad so he tried to unlock it, eventually he and ki gave up, so they left the bikes somewhere unknown, and came back with ANOTHER one, unlocked o_o they're crazy. & now im really lazy, and ki's internet thingy turns off aorund 11, so i need to wrap this upp, SO THANK YOU FOR WASTING YOUR TIME READING THIS USELESS BLOG, im bored, and ki's sleeping listening to twinkle twinkle little star right now. how homo. ^_^ WELL, BYEE.


. . yet . .

i woke up, brushed my teeth, ate, and went back and lay there down in bed. What a horrible headache i had. What a dream i had aswell. Went on my private blog, blogged so much, in so many hours, and it led to an even worst headache. So i stood up, went in the restroom to wash my face, and looked at myself in the mirror. & i said to myself ' what the fuck' Who was i, what am i , and why am i here ? What purpose is there. Everyone was born for a reason, so whats mine? What future do i hold, i have a past, but the present now, WILL be my past. Do i want it to become like this? So many unanswered questions, and possibly so little time. I need answers, i need. . . .
My headache is irritating me, i need to get out of the house. Goodbye.

The hot dry weather. A temperature that can lead to such a feeling. Such as, a temper. The anger and reason behind its word. The stupid actions. The reason for its reminisce. The reason for its slow body movement and flow, the continuous hand motions. The feeling of being free. The gliding feet, to check upon. The regeneration of something else, shall begin. Clueless to when. Knowing to how. In the end, it's finally time. A decision, not knowing to where, or even when. But a decision is a decision and decision made on this eccentric night.

mistaakes.

"Denny ! Do you want to walk me to class? "

Parents are parents, juust dont worry about it.
I'm actually saying the truth this time; but im here when you need it.

I need to stop. I cant be like this. Not if it's hurting too much. My health, my body isn't worth some stupid little things like these. It isnt worth it. I have to be better, i have to, because I'm not worth it.

Causes

Difficulty breathing has many potential causes. Some of the most common are:

• Collapsed Lung; which can happen if you have emphysema or asthma, but may also happen spontaneously in young, healthy people.

oh hell no .

oh and look at the time sister.

Happy Birthday Sister TiffanyHuynh ! <3

(7:43:22 PM): thanks

(7:43:26 PM): your a true friend

(7:43:32 PM): i kno y i . . .

I'm simply returning the favor.
You thanked me today, surprisingly more then once. But it's you that i should be thanking, since i never got the time to even say it.

" For you kids out there who has had relationships, what happens when you see him/her? Do you get the feeling of 'oh my god, i wish they'd die.' or is it the feeling of '-sigh- i wish i never left them.' "

" If you're in a relationship, and were to break up right now; you'll still remember his/her scent ten years from now. & probably will still have that feeling ^ "

i think homowork is gay.

i hate being sick.

i have never hated coughing so much.

i hate wasting tissues.

coughing sucks. cheap cough drops sucks.

taking like 15 cough drops withiin like 2 or 3 hours is bad. right? O:

blah, sick, tireed. i just wish this coughing thing goes away ):

i come home, late. & the first thing you do is yell at me for how i go out too much. Dont you see me sweating my ass off? Cant you see i went and did something & somewhere school related ? & then you go on with a lecture about my sisters. You don't support her huh? Well, I DO. & i even told you that. But then you go on with how, its because she has a way with words. Yeah, thats true, but thats exactly why she's right. She's not only all talk. Maybe you guys should start being more trustworthy. On me, at least. I stay up every single night doing my homework because i choose to, and care about my education, and what i get from that is you yelling at me for being on the computer for so long, and tell me get off the phone. I know my mistake for being on the phone so late but youre kidding me right ? You need to trust, love, and be happy about us. NEED to be. Thats all, because i love you guys. i really really do. but how things are going, i think i should take those words back .

You gasped when i said those words. I dont blame you, at least you some what understand what im going through.

but now that i think about it. i think im going to take back those words. even if i was 'messing around'

you see that " U " on my face? oh yeah, its called a smile.

maybe i was wrong. but once again, im happy. because it isnt just one day anymore. there's more.

Tomorrow, oh my god. i dont even know.

It's one chance. one shot. one day. possibly one hour. one (a) spot. all or nothing. Tomorrow, prove me wrong. If that, if so. then oh my gosh. will things change. my desire. my past obsession. .


Please .

& for some reason, i feel bad .

oh, & bestfriend (:

eh, blogging sucks now D:

i woke up today, and had a big feeling that for some reason today wouldn't be so good. But then, it came to be that i was proven wrong.

ln(9:53:42 PM): i knew it was gonna happen eventually

ln is available (9:56:18 PM)
Nothing good lasts forever ): Should have thought of that earlier

Congrats, JDN .

:(7:05:44 PM): i cant live without you

stop giving me bullshit.

Equal .

it took me 6 hours of continuously writing, and deleting, to realize, that im not putting anything tonight.

PBVB 5 MONTHS♥

These are the nights that i just cant feel any happier.

Talking to my sister makes me realize too many things. Who wouldve thought someone in this family can actually open my eyes? All these times i've been looking for someone to make me completely, like completely speechless, but i never would've thought it would be my very own sister. Seriously though, like i said, we only really talk at the dinner table, but who wouldve thought just one conversation can make a relationship so much stronger? From talking about friends, to family, to the past, to the future, to even about love, i told you alot of things. We talked about regret. & the one thing i regret about us , is how i treated you in the past. I'm sorry, for the things i did, but im sure from this day on . . we have a big future ahead of us.

" There's alot of things that comes and go, but the one thing that doesnt really leave is family. Because family comes first "

As for you, no regrets at all. Like i told you, just looking at you, makes me so so happy, just always smiling. So, how do you think being with you feels? Exactly.

The things you do, yeah i'll admit that it can be sometimes !@#$% , but you have your reasons, and i respect that. So once again, no worries. I'm trying my best. I wanna do at least my part in this upcoming future.

Heads up , bee eff eff.
Last but not least; Happy 4 C&C Months <3

" no more second thoughts, because i have no doubt that no one else will do what you've done for me. And to be so cliche, you're everything i could ask for and so much more. "

& that wraps it up.


+ Happy Birthday BFF ! (:

& of course, Happy One Month, JTN. ♥

" so the whole original point of this was why i like you, and my answer is how can i not? "

Happy 1 Hoe&Co(:

" i worked to find flaws in you, hoping that picking them out would break me free. But i was unsuccessful, and those feelings continued to live inside of me. "

What's this . . ?

' i would do all those things but i'm committed . '


!@#$%^*()

Happy Half A Year Bestfriend <3

" you made me become something i didn't want to be "

" you showed me something that no one else before you had. you showed me devotion. And that's how you make me feel special. "'

You tell me that i recognize things that you don't even recognize about yourself. But how about i tell you that i think the exact same way ?

There are many things i'm scared of. But first, what i think about the most, is my affection is towards you. Imagine this, all the feelings i had towards you in the past comes back, each and every single one. Each and every single feeling. Each and every single happiness that made me smile. Each and everytime i told and confessed to you that i liked you. But that's only the past. . . Exactly, this is the present, and that's what i'm scared of . .

Its still too early to say, but like you said. . " i may be getting close "

EDIT: & once again, i apologize .

& i'm going to try to write a quote from the paper as i read each day. 3 pages, front and back. every day, front or back. & that means, it ends on our. .

" i never lost those feelings completely over the year of our rocky event. You know how i hate cheesy things, thats' why when i do say something like that, it's definitely true. "

Where we are now, it seems like its because of the past. The past, what happend back then, still makes me amazed by the things i say back then. The stupidity meaning behind my words, & thats one reason why i'm scared, that maybe if this past is what made us be where we are, and i dont mean the things i said back then. Then . .

But where we are now, i'm still amazed that after everything, we finally reached it. The thing i longed for the most in the past, actually came, around 26 days ago. & how my life is now, it's relieving to know, its actually going well, really well. Because, a guy that has so much problems, and what my bestfriend said " having a girlfriend can make all your problems go away " I'm not surprised that he's right. & im actually glad that he is.

But then i question that. Because, having one can cause problems, can it not? But like you said, " arguments helps relationships grow " But we havent . . yet. But then that also means, our connection is stable. & thats a good thing, or is it?

There's still to much to say but someone called me & destroyed my moood ):<

oh, & i got mad today because i lost one of my bracelets.

EDIT: " Hopefully " that made me smiled in many ways possible.