A COUPLE DAYS AGO. .


If im not good enough for my aunt, then im not good enough for anyone. It absolutely pisses me off, how i get yelled at every single day of break. I get yelled at by doing the wrong things, but even if i do the right things, i'll get yelled out.

" it's 10 P.M. why arent you in bed yet? "
" why are the lights on? my son is suppose to be sleeping right now, why do you make him stay up so late?"
IT WAS ONLY 10 P.M. auntie. I take my nap and wake up at that time sometimes on schooldays -_-

And so the next day, lights are off before 10, my cousins are sound asleep. she comes in at 10:04 checks if we're asleep, and leaves. I suppose that's good. Then around 10:15 i got a bit thirsty so i decided to go outside and get a cup of water.

" WHY ARE YOU UP RIGHT NOW?"
' i'm thirsty'
" YOU SHOULD BE SLEEPING. GO BACK TO BED."

WHAT THE FUCK. i cant do things? WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME DO ALL THIS. IT PISSES ME OFF.

& then today.. the worst of em all.

i decided to go bike around, despite the rain. i asked my "dad" - may i go around? he doesnt reply. so i left. I came back wet, as expected but it didnt matter to me, and i got yelled at by him like i never did before.

" Why would you go bike and get all wet? " " are you stupid?" " do you want to get sick?"
" if you get sick, whos going to fucking take care of you" " do you want to die? "

i knew i was going to get yelled at, but never to the point where my dad wanted to hit me. never ever in my whole life. never where it scared me, and made me wanted to cry.. and i suppose this happend because my aunt just joined in to yell at me even more. If my aunt yells at me. Other adults will too. If adults yell at me. The nmy fucking aunt will too. Every single day, i prevent anyone from yelling. ANYONE. so i do the right things. But even so, i get yelled at. For the stupidest reasons.

theres too much for to say, im too tired from this. im sick of screaming and cussing out loud. Even if i get more yelled at by that. im sick of punching my damn things. im sick of it all. I thought family was suppose to be something you'll love forever. And it is. But there's exceptions. And my aunt's one of them. No doubt about it.

but in the end, i'm glad that i was all wet, because behind those raindrops were teardrops. and that meant they were hidden.