A COUPLE DAYS AGO. .


If im not good enough for my aunt, then im not good enough for anyone. It absolutely pisses me off, how i get yelled at every single day of break. I get yelled at by doing the wrong things, but even if i do the right things, i'll get yelled out.

" it's 10 P.M. why arent you in bed yet? "
" why are the lights on? my son is suppose to be sleeping right now, why do you make him stay up so late?"
IT WAS ONLY 10 P.M. auntie. I take my nap and wake up at that time sometimes on schooldays -_-

And so the next day, lights are off before 10, my cousins are sound asleep. she comes in at 10:04 checks if we're asleep, and leaves. I suppose that's good. Then around 10:15 i got a bit thirsty so i decided to go outside and get a cup of water.

" WHY ARE YOU UP RIGHT NOW?"
' i'm thirsty'
" YOU SHOULD BE SLEEPING. GO BACK TO BED."

WHAT THE FUCK. i cant do things? WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME DO ALL THIS. IT PISSES ME OFF.

& then today.. the worst of em all.

i decided to go bike around, despite the rain. i asked my "dad" - may i go around? he doesnt reply. so i left. I came back wet, as expected but it didnt matter to me, and i got yelled at by him like i never did before.

" Why would you go bike and get all wet? " " are you stupid?" " do you want to get sick?"
" if you get sick, whos going to fucking take care of you" " do you want to die? "

i knew i was going to get yelled at, but never to the point where my dad wanted to hit me. never ever in my whole life. never where it scared me, and made me wanted to cry.. and i suppose this happend because my aunt just joined in to yell at me even more. If my aunt yells at me. Other adults will too. If adults yell at me. The nmy fucking aunt will too. Every single day, i prevent anyone from yelling. ANYONE. so i do the right things. But even so, i get yelled at. For the stupidest reasons.

theres too much for to say, im too tired from this. im sick of screaming and cussing out loud. Even if i get more yelled at by that. im sick of punching my damn things. im sick of it all. I thought family was suppose to be something you'll love forever. And it is. But there's exceptions. And my aunt's one of them. No doubt about it.

but in the end, i'm glad that i was all wet, because behind those raindrops were teardrops. and that meant they were hidden.

"Break is about spending time with family"

You understand.

And so to my aunt nam, i apologize for always leaving the house to go with my friends. I thought about it. And i realized there will be no way my break would even be fun if you werent here. You and your children of course. Because of you guys, i finally got to see steven again, for a consecutive 5 days. And today, he's coming back home. The minute i heard you guys the were coming over to california, i was so happy. So happy because i only see you guys every 3 years.. & this year, you came twice in a year. It showed me that you wanted to visit us really bad. it showed me that you guys care about our family so much. It costs about $1000+ to get over here no matter how, whether its driving 2 days here from texas by car. Or even airplane, with a family of 5 and the tickets because at $300 a piece. And when you guys are ACTUALLY over here, you spend an extra $1500, for us. From the food, the parties, the going out to different places. Whether its disneyland, knotts, the beach, BIGBEAR, or somewhre just FUN, it shows me that you guys actually actually like us.. Because i knew that the first night you guys were here, i told myself i was going to have the worst break ever. But thats going to change. You have less then one week here, and im going to make it the best of YOUR break. your family, of course. i know money cant be anything, and thats why you spend so much, but what made me open my eyes was that. . My family isnt rich at all. we dont spend money on anything. And guess what ? Your family is poorer than us. & that means something. i apologize, and now its time i become a nephew and especially a cousin.

sigh, i miss my girlfriend .

That was a fail.
Te extraño;

@11:48P.M. & i hope you're okay <3

No question, just a comment... You tend to lose friends easily and I'm beginning to see it now. Is it because you don't hold onto them and let then fade away slowly? Because that's what I fucking think.
I'm not going to deny that i lose friends easily. What i believe is that i tend to put other friends in front of others. That may be a problem, but i realized that it's not that I dont hold onto them. It's that they don't hold onto me. There'll be time where i make an effort in everything fucking thing i do. & what do i get back? Nothing. Nothing at all. You're thinking that im suppose to answer this "comment" in general, but how am i suppose to really give a specific reason and reply to? I didnt lose ALL my friends. & if anything. I gained some also. " You lose some, you gain some" So if i were to lose you, then i gained someone else. So maybe it's time you make an effort in this "friendship" Because people that makes the first move and shows me effort, That's something that catches my eyes. All my life, i got putted down upon because i didnt show effort. This doesnt have to relate to anything, but it was something else that i regretted all my life. So now, every fucking thing i do. I try. I show effort. & if it doesnt seem like im trying enough for you. Then maybe thats because i've already done so much. So now, once you tell me who you are, i'll say the mistakes YOU'VE done.

yeah, it was nice how you called me.

easypeasy

whats your biggest regret?
This year? 924.


why is your myspace profile so emo.
LOL - anime buddy (=
Because julie's name is on it (:

I said too much to you already for me to blog about this topic.

" I have never yelled so much before "

What brightened my day the most was that you actually remembered. I miss you PBVB, we need to catch up. But all in all, Feliz Ocho <3


EDIT: Oh, & boys. keeep your head ^ .

" Let me sing you a love song
About what I feel in my heart;
Butterflies can't find nectar
Whenever we're apart. "

Because i know i'm in it for the right reason. I said that to you. You heard it right? Because you need to know that it's true. Yeah, every one makes mistakes. And i already realized that i do too. So that's why i know right from wrong now. I know a mistake when i see one. I know a mistake when i come forth to one. i know a mistake in which i've done. So yes, i am in it for a right reason. I'm in this because of us and many many more. And that is something i know that's not a mistake.

if you would be jealous of anyone who would be jealous of and why?
If only i had formspring last year, lmao. Hm, i would be jealous of Fountain Valley Boy's Freshman Basketball team. & Why ? Well, it says it all right there; because i'm not in it.

Hey, your pretty cute. l am on my we.b.cam right now l have a link on my myspace =)
- Kristy
Hi. . First off, i dont know a kristy. Second, you dont have to send it to my myspace either. Third, it seems you're not asain. Fourth, i think meeting people online is scary. & Fifth, yes i know i'm cute. LMFAO , im kidding(:

" Self confidence " RIGHT, ANIME BUDDY? ;)

12: 30 A.M. One thing i love the most is going to bed. One thing i dislike is worrying and being scared. Because it's so rare. So what if these things were to combined? You're worried AND scared while you're going to bed. While you're about to sleep. but that's about to. That's about to. Because you're not going to get this out of your chest. You dont want anything bad to happen. But what if you happen. As confusing as it is, it is. As scary as it is, it is. You're worried, you are. Because all of this happens, because you dont want anything bad to happen, you dont want anything to happen. & that's why you're going to be up all fucking night.

2:10 A.M. ; so i already told you the reason why.
I'm holding on to the cow&penguin so tight. No need for your pillow. I have your scent.

12:20 A.M. ; i guess we'll see .

12:23 A.M. ; i was hoping you heard what i said there - Thank You .

It cheers me up just looking at it. Even though it's not that special. It helps me know i accomplished a task where many didn't but some did. I'm proud of myself at where i stand. I've manage many things, and i'm proud of it. & now, i tell myself, that i'm going to take it one step further. I'm not going to let a chance like this slide. I'm not going to let an opportunity like this slip by. It's time i show, the reason. Because the present doesn't have any problems right now. There will be some in the future. There's ALWAYS something that's going to be wrong. & if it cant be fiixed & when it's to the point where it ticks me off. I'm going to imagine it, unleash it all, and spike it.
http://ecs.fvhs.com/dsp.org_subpage.cfm?uid=205&id=3353



So, who thought it was something else? ;)

My family, has never pissed me off this bad before.

Why do you hate people that don't do anything to you?
Currently, i actually don't 'hate' anyone. Hate is a strong word. & you only use it when needed. I was told that. Because there's a big difference between HATE and DISLIKE. I guess i'd say i DISLIKE some people, but that's because of their actions. But then, i realize that some people that do the same things that the people i dislike do, i don't mind it, & so i don't know. Because that makes me sound like a bad person, but maybe just maybe i am.

what do you miss the most from your childhood? o:
super random question but im curious lol
i miss

what if i told you i liked you?
Say that to my face then i'll see (:
HAH, kidding. No, thank you. I'm with someone, and i cant ask for anyone else that's better.

Catherine is cool.
:D
No you're not. WHERETHEHELL have you been ): stupid rabbit.. REMEMBER? :D we needa play OMGPOP & have those 5 in the morning conversations again. LOOL(:<

A hundred and twenty-two days.


A122DAYS!
Happy 4 Months, and many more to come.
Everyone knows that. But most importantly, you and i know that.

Ignore the times;

HOE&CO 4 !


hm, i haven't talked to my majesty in a bit. & i'll admit, i kinda miss our conversations ):

blah. denny needs some sleep

Because my internet's finally working.


Feliz Nueve ABDC <3